The Top 5 Skills I Have As A Therapist That You Can Have Too!
Let’s talk about TALKING about mental health!
I want to share with you 5 pieces I practice with clients in each session that help them feel held, heard & seen.
You don’t have to BE a therapist, just BE you! ...And practice these skills.
If you’ve struggled to make new friends, we’re all now in that boat! Our social anxiety is through the roof causing us to become more focused on ourselves and our anxiety than who we’re talking with.
We’d all love to make new friends and get together in person to share our energy and learn how to BE again.
But when we’re with someone new, or someone that we don’t live with, we just want to TALK!
We may talk a lot as a way to cope with our anxiety or simply that we MISS talking with people!! We want someone to hear all we’ve been going through.
But remember….let the other person talk!
They want to feel heard just as much as you do!
When someone doesn’t feel heard, it usually strains the relationship, causing them to not want to continue speaking with someone who they feel doesn’t hear them.
Here are my top 5 skills I use with my clients that you can use too…
Active listening
Reflective Listening
Reframing
Awareness
Boundaries
Let’s dive into what each of these really mean!
1 - Active Listening
Active listening is when we can fucking focus, for more than 30 seconds. RESIST ALL DISTRACTIONS! This includes looking at the person, in the eyes, showing them that you are engaged and listening to them. You may nod or use non-verbal communication or body language to let them know you are actively paying attention to what they are saying. You might say, “Oh yea?” or “MmmHmm” or even “I hear that!” to let them know you’re still there with them.
The simplest way to show that you’re listening is eye contact.
Think about the days when we’d talk on the phone and you’d wonder if the person on the other end had fallen asleep. The people you did talk to that helped you KNOW that they were not asleep bc they’d probably mutter a couple words every now and then.
2 - Reflective Listening
Reflective Listening is saying what the person just said back to them. It could be word-for-word or it might be a summary or in your own words. I often use the phrase “I hear you saying…”. If you have heard or practiced Imago therapy (Harville Hendrix), that is practicing reflective listening! You are checking in with ther person to let them know what you heard. This helps them make sure that you heard them correctly and REALLY helps them feel heard, KNOWING that you heard exactly what they said.
3 - Reframing
Reframing is taking what they said and changing it around. You may want to do this when they make a negative statement. You hear them say, “I’m so fat”. You may want to respond to them and say “I think you are beautiful human being”. Reframing is flipping a statement, 180; Making a negative into a positive, or at least just not negative.
4 - Awareness
We need to be aware of our own thoughts and feelings so that we can activate our filter, or set boundaries to keep ourselves safe or okay. In communication, there is a lot of transference or projection that can happen. It makes it easy to take things personally. Awareness is being mindful of what’s going on for us on the inside in response to what someone else says. It’s important for use to be aware of these so that we can know what may be triggered and why. It can also help to share this information with the person we’re talking with, “Wow, that’s bringing up thoughts of my past experiences”, “I’m feeling angry after hearing what you just said”. These can sometimes help the person feel heard or know that they are not alone in their feelings. I could even help them see someone else’s perspective.
Some things that we become aware of, we may not want to share. We might bookmark it so that we can come back to it on our own later to continue to process, sort out or even talk over with our own supports.
5 - Boundaries
This is where we set limits…”I can only talk for 10 minutes, I want to hear what you’ve been up to but I will have to let you know when I need to get off the phone at 2:10.” It may be along the lines of “I’m having some big feelings right now and not able to give you the space to feel heard. Can we check in tomorrow?”
Everyone sets boundaries in their own way depending on their communication style and comfortability. Start small! Listen to your intuition, check in with your internal feelings to know what you may need to say to the other person. It may be around things that you are not willing to talk about…”I hear you, but I can’t talk about that right now.”
How do these skills sound to you?
Ready to try them in your daily life?
Have you tried them before and find that you support in mastering them?
That is why I started my coaching business to help you master these skills and more to take control and better your life!
Want to learn more about my coaching program and how I can help support you in your wellness journey?
Book a Discovery Call today to find out!
